Deathly Promise

The last two years of my life have been a lot of fun and equally a lot of pain. A lot of gain and an equal amount of loss. Loss as in, God took away four really dear people of mine. My paati (grandma), Vimala Medicals uncle, Srilakhsmi’s Amma (mother) and Krishna (my tall producer-boy in Bloomberg). And there were these other people who vanished from Earth and their vanishing acts (I really don’t want to use the D word here, please) is something I am still not able to come to terms with. And now as I am writing this blog, there’s one more that’s just happened right outside my house. My neighbour. The guy whom I never liked much. I always found him appalling, you know that leachy types. And I had to pass by the moron’s house every single day, until this morning. Since hate is an extreme word, I always disliked him. Maybe even now I don’t like him.

So why is it tough for me to come to terms with his end, you may ask. Well, despite him being leachy and all, he was like that guard for me and my sister in our colony. Yes, his stares were creepy, and he did look leachy, I always knew he was safe and my sister and I will be safe as long as we were under his radar. He was some sort of protection. That’s one reason why I can’t come to terms with that fact that the guy is not going be outside my house this morning.

But there is more to it. I hear the ambulance that is bringing him back to his house and I also hear his wife cry. Amma just told me that the guy got married to this girl whom he was seeing for eight long years a few weeks ago. And he told my Appa that he looks forward to a new life with his wife, that he is mending his ways. I hear his wife scream again. I stopped punching my keyboard for a minute. Why on Earth should God take him away now? Especially when there’s this new woman in his life; a woman to whom her husband matters more than her father or mother or any other relationship. Especially when the guy has taken a vow to live a new life?

Yes, he’s going to have a new life in heaven (/hell, because on a few occasions even I have told him that his place in hell is reserved and what if God took me serious this time) tomorrow. God should have just let him life on Earth, with his wife, as my protective leachy neighbour.

I am really upset, and I don’t think I will come to terms with this soon.  But most importantly, that old question surfaces in my head again, and this time I feel extremely guilty. Why do we have to fight at all? Life; it’s the shortest thing that any living being has to be cognisant of. It is the most unpredictable thing as well. So when life is this short and only God knows what will happen the next minute, why must I pick a fight and spoil relationships and fight and end up hating the person. Why can I not just let things be the way they are and live a peaceful moment. These fights over whatsapp, facebook, phone calls, coffee shops, dinner table etc. Really why?

When Amma got to know about our neighbour, she hugged me tightly and said “sorry, I won’t fight with you anymore”. Same pinch Ma, I won’t fight with you too. I am going to give up fighting with you and Appa and Harinyi and all my friends. I know you all care for me and I must not fight with you. And even with those who don’t quite care for me, as there’s no reason to fight at all. Thank you, neighbour. But for you I won’t have taken this promise. After all, life is this short.

I hope to find love.  I hear his wife scream once again. Can’t write anymore. And since God only knows what will happen the next minute, I hope to see you all this morning. Good night. Lots of love, little H.