The last two years of my life have been a
lot of fun and equally a lot of pain. A lot of gain and an equal amount of
loss. Loss as in, God took away four really dear people of mine. My paati
(grandma), Vimala Medicals uncle, Srilakhsmi’s Amma (mother) and Krishna (my tall
producer-boy in Bloomberg). And there were these other people who vanished from
Earth and their vanishing acts (I really don’t want to use the D word here,
please) is something I am still not able to come to terms with. And now as I am
writing this blog, there’s one more that’s just happened right outside my
house. My neighbour. The guy whom I never liked much. I always found him
appalling, you know that leachy types. And I had to pass by the moron’s house every
single day, until this morning. Since hate is an extreme word, I always
disliked him. Maybe even now I don’t like him.
So why is it tough for me to come to terms
with his end, you may ask. Well, despite him being leachy and all, he was like
that guard for me and my sister in our colony. Yes, his stares were creepy, and
he did look leachy, I always knew he was safe and my sister and I will be safe
as long as we were under his radar. He was some sort of protection. That’s one
reason why I can’t come to terms with that fact that the guy is not going be
outside my house this morning.
But there is more to it. I hear the
ambulance that is bringing him back to his house and I also hear his wife cry.
Amma just told me that the guy got married to this girl whom he was seeing for
eight long years a few weeks ago. And he told my Appa that he looks forward to
a new life with his wife, that he is mending his ways. I hear his wife scream
again. I stopped punching my keyboard for a minute. Why on Earth should God take
him away now? Especially when there’s this new woman in his life; a woman to
whom her husband matters more than her father or mother or any other
relationship. Especially when the guy has taken a vow to live a new life?
Yes, he’s going to have a new life in
heaven (/hell, because on a few occasions even I have told him that his place
in hell is reserved and what if God took me serious this time) tomorrow. God
should have just let him life on Earth, with his wife, as my protective leachy
neighbour.
I am really upset, and I don’t think I will
come to terms with this soon. But most
importantly, that old question surfaces in my head again, and this time I feel
extremely guilty. Why do we have to fight at all? Life; it’s the shortest thing
that any living being has to be cognisant of. It is the most unpredictable
thing as well. So when life is this short and only God knows what will happen
the next minute, why must I pick a fight and spoil relationships and fight and
end up hating the person. Why can I not just let things be the way they are and
live a peaceful moment. These fights over whatsapp, facebook, phone calls,
coffee shops, dinner table etc. Really why?
When Amma got to know about our neighbour,
she hugged me tightly and said “sorry, I won’t fight with you anymore”. Same
pinch Ma, I won’t fight with you too. I am going to give up fighting with you and
Appa and Harinyi and all my friends. I know you all care for me and I must not
fight with you. And even with those who don’t quite care for me, as there’s no
reason to fight at all. Thank you, neighbour. But for you I won’t have taken
this promise. After all, life is this short.
I hope to find love. I hear his wife scream once again. Can’t
write anymore. And since God only knows what will happen the next minute, I
hope to see you all this morning. Good night. Lots of love, little H.
